4 movies that I used to think were cool but now realize are retarded.

4. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom - In Raiders of the Lost Ark, the humor flowed naturally out of the action. It was organic like when Indy shoots the guy with the big sword; it was natural, not forced. In Temple of Doom, it seems like all the elaborate action sequences are done so Indy can make a crack or two. And who the hell builds a roller-coaster in the middle of a mountain? Over yawning lava pits? Oh yeah, we had to have that mine-cart racing sequence to set-up Indy's funny crack about water. And he gets too much of it! Hilarious. I suppose one can still enjoy the movie if you see it as a parody of the previous film. Just view it like Spielberg's career since Raiders: it's not to be taken seriously.

3. Born on the Fourth of July - There's a lot of stupid things I believed when I was younger; that Vietnam was an unnecessary war and Tom Cruise could act were two of them. As many of you are aware, this Oliver Stone movie follows Ron Kovic's journey to Vietnam as a Marine, his subsequent injury that paralyzed him from the waste down, return home, fun with Mexican whores, and eventual anti-war crusade. As I've studied history, I've became aware of a few things about Vietnam: we were fighting the most evil ideology in the history of the world in communism and Ron Kovic (as portrayed by Oliver Stone) is a friggin' retard! The war was a noble one, mishandled by politicians, yes, but still noble. The defeat of America in Vietnam not only hurt us globally for decades to come but it cost the lives of literally millions of Vietnamese and Cambodians many of whom were tortured to death. Maoist communism is particulary vile and anyone who was against our efforts in Southeast Asia is either stupid or ignorant. Probably both. When I was stupid and ignorant, I loved this movie. And then I grew up.

2. Independence Day - I can't believe I used to love this film. I mean, for crap's sake, it's directed by Hollywood hack Roland Emmerich (who would later give us crapfests like The Day After Tomorrow and 10,000 B.C.). I like a good alien invasion story and I guess my hopes for the film along with the special effects blinded me to how bad this film really is. Repeated viewings only magnify the film's flaws. It's another big summer blockbuster that dazzles us with big explosions and alien motherships but gives us nothing in the way of character development.

1. Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home - Most Star Trek movies are retarded: that's just a matter of course. But The Voyage Home reaches new depths of retardation by playing the weenie greenie, tree-hugging, self-righteous, holier-than-thou card (it is Star Trek after all). It's bad enough the crew have to save whales but, they tell us in the movie, those humpbacks are upset at humans for all those years of poor treatment. And while I agree that humpbacks have every right to be upset at humans, there isn't a whale in the oceans that thinks about this. Just like Klingons, whales are animals. Whales are only concerned with eating, reproducing, and trying not to be eaten. They don't swim around pondering existence (or anything else for that matter). I mean, I used to love the movie for it's humor. Now, with it's heavy-handed messaging, it's about as funny as Al Gore. Plus there's too much Chekov. Always too much Chekov. And yes, he is retarded.