Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Wesley Crusher vs Anakin Skywalker

Let's imagine that somehow Wesley Crusher and Annakin Skywalker were to rip the cinematic space-time continuum. We can infer that Anakin Sywalker, after whining about it, would be attempting to exploit the rift in time (this is the bad Ani). Wesley Crusher, as a Traveller, would be trying to fix this hole in reality. So the showdown is set: Wesley Crsusher vs Annakin Skywalker.

After Anakin ceased whining, he would try to beat Wesley with the force either by strangling the annoying Starfleet brat or by "forcing" some heavy object toward Wesley in an attempt to crush him. Wesley, assuming he has access to a phaser would simply disentegrate the object. If Annakin tried to strangle him, Wes would simply teleport (with his traveller abilities) to another time or reality where Anakin could no longer have a hold on him.

Wesley would then teleport back to Ani's location and, like the good Starfleet officer he is, would continue to try and heal the wound in space-time. After Anakin's required tantrum, the Jedi would pull out his 'sabre and attempt to cut Wes's head off. Wesley, already having seen the alternative timelines possible, would have already rigged his communicator to project a force field. Ani's 'sabre would simply bounce off harmlessly. But Jedi can see the future, too, can't they? Well, Annakin Skywalker has never shown much aptitude in that area.

Annakin would then attempt to use the old Jedi mind trick. That would be most ineffective against Wes because Wes is not feeble-minded.

Frustrated, Anakin would then try and attack Wesley with a starfighter. Anakin is a good pilot. After all, he was flyting pod-racers since he was five.

Wesley has been flying Galaxy-class starships since he was twelve.

Wesley would simply teleport a Runabout near him and engage Anakin in a dogfight. Because Starfleet space vehicles have shields and Galactic Empire ships do not, clearly the advantage is Wesley's. Ani's blasters would simply bounce harmlessly off the Runabout's shields. As we know, lasers are completely ineffective against Starfleet shielding. Add in the fact that Starfleet vessels are about ten-hundred times more maneuverable than anything we've ever seen in Star Wars, well, Anakin gets blowed up.

Wesley fixes the rift and goes home. Anakin is picked up by the Emperor's shuttle, scolded, and given more implants and a new 'sabre.

Lest you think I like Star Trek more than Star Wars, read some of my previous posts. But, honestly, do you really think Anakin, whose best efforts were against Sand People, eight-year olds, and old Jedi who have there backs turned, can really hold a candle to a guy who has helped beat the Borg?

Hah!

1 comment:

Lord Mhoram said...

Alternately the runabout can just transport Ani out of the starfighter into deep space. :)